I figured that would make enough of a headline to catch your attention. It's not really true. If it were, Brian would have me castrated and then I'd spend the rest of my life in hiding from Backstreet, and that's a fate I'd like to escape. I just thought it was pretty funny how much we got photographed together over the last few days. Clearly, I missed him a lot.
The highlight of the weekend was the event that I was not photographed at, the one that took place in a city far too cold for my liking, but the cold was obliterated by the warmth and happiness that filled the air. It was the perfect way to welcome a New Year, with promise and hope and love, not just for them, but for me too.
It's no secret I've been so anti-relationship the last six months. And I guess it's really true that when you stop looking for something, that's when you find it. I got to spend a Christmas this year with family - if not by blood, then definitely by love, and I don't remember the last time I've been happier at New Year's, collecting my midnight kiss and then feeling like the year ahead is going to filled with happiness instead of despair.
I'm terrible at these entries, I've never been good at putting my true feelings on paper, and honestly, there's no way to describe the way I feel. I'm happy, I'm in love and loved in return, and there's really no other thing a person could wish for in their life.
I hope everyone brought in the New Year as happy as I did, and if you didn't, have faith that things will turn around. Because they always do.
I was trying to think of some sort of music theme I could post, but I have really cheesy taste in music, and the stuff I have, everyone else probably has already. I owe Brian a JC's Guide to *NSYNC post, when I do it, I'll make that public.
Mazel tov!
That's me being Jewish for you, Natalie. Even if it has nothing to do with anything in particular.
Latona, a former Miss Junior Florida who later dated J.C. Chasez of the Backstreet Boys, moved here six months ago with Groove Kitty, currently featured at Mandalay Bay's Coral Reef Lounge.
JC Chavez has been up to his old tricks, dating Amanda Latona and joining the BSB. Thanks to Brian for finding that and finding it hysterical.
Stupidity the second, a really old film clip of *NSYNC being stupid, but holiday-ish. The one where I have had a large dose of amphetimines, Chris can't even remember the words to "Rudolph" which amuses Justin to no end, Joey looks like an ass, and Lance is too cool for this shit.
It's been a crazy couple of weeks for me, I feel like I have to be seen in twenty places at once and it's getting a little tiring. I need to be seen because the single's out and the album's coming hopefully January. So I'm all over the place, most notably London. The single's being played on a few radio stations but it's still pretty under the radar, which is fine. I don't have huge expectations. If it hits, it's nice, but I just want the album out.
The shitty part of having to be all these places is that it makes it kinda hard to get a relationship off the ground. I have to work, and he's on a Christmas tour right now so the normal first few weeks of anything new where you're kinda in that crazy high keep getting interrupted. It feels like a lot of starts and stops. And frequent flyer miles on my part, since it's easier for me to go in and out than it is him.
He already made a post about it so I don't know what else I can add to that. It's definitely kinda unexpected. We were both in a place where we were pretty anti-relationship and and it evolved into "uh, something's going on here" that we ended up having to acknowledge. Or, I had to acknowledge it. I think he knew before I did but didn't say anything and it's a good thing I finally came around to the realization because I was pretty damn close to missing the opportunity.
This is all new for me, because I've honestly never been seriously involved with anyone who had a child being such a big part of his life. I love that he's a dad, it's a turn on for me, watching him do that. Something about loving something more than you love yourself and that kind of selflessness. It makes me want to experience it myself someday. I got a lot of suspicious people raising an eyebrow at me and him, but honestly, the only opinion that truly matters to me is Baylee's. It was a little tentative at first, but we bonded over our mutual appreciation of Spongebob and cereal and I consider his solemn offer of a spoonful of Cheerios a sign of acceptance.
I caught a red-eye from London to Texas and crawled into his bed at 3 am last night. He didn't even fully wake up but the arm that reached around me made it clear he knew I was here. I have radio shows coming up in Ohio and Buffalo (seriously, WTF, Buffalo? Why am I going there? I'm a Florida boy) and more stuff to do but more than anything I wish I could stay right there with him. Which may be partly because I find it really scandalous to grope him in a church, which is the venue for most of his tour. He always yells but he never puts up much of a fight.
Congratulations to everyone who got them on your Grammy nominations and I apologize for the hideous grandpa sweater I wore the other day. I might go back to London, so Howie, you better have the couch made up.
Howie says I'm not allowed to cop-out with one-liner or picture updates anymore. So, here's an attempt at an actual entry.
You ever feel like you suddenly have too much on your plate? There's these long periods of life where things are pretty mundane and boring and you wish for something to liven it up. And then the phrase "be careful what you wish for" kicks in because now your life is no longer boring and mundane and you don't have enough hours in the day to get everything done and see everyone you want to see?
I know, I shouldn't complain about that kind of a problem given that I see far worse problems on my friendspage every single day. Yeah, I got a lot going on, and it has the potential to get complicated, but I'm not minding it too much.
Even all the haters who are talking about me behind my back. I don't really care, not much you can do to harsh my buzz. People are quick to judge and criticize what they don't understand or don't want to understand, and I haven't done a damn thing wrong. Honesty is the key to everything and I have been nothing but upfront with everyone. If you wanna know, ask. I have nothing to hide and no regrets.
And I forgot to pimp myself on Ghost Whisperer with J-Love Hewitt last night, so here, have some YouTube links to laugh at me. I got a few actual lines and then a long scene where I just contribute to the background. It's the beginning of my serious acting career. I'm just waiting for my Alpha Dog.
Why it's in three parts is beyond me, considering I'm on screen for about all of five minutes total.
Jake owes me alcohol, Sean owes me company, and I still have Brian turning into the houseboy who refuses to leave. Oh, did I say houseboy? I meant houseguest :)
I think that new LJ Talk thing has managed to find that thin line between "convenient" and "creepy". On the one hand, there's your whole LJ friendslist in one easy place. On the other hand, fucking creepy, especially that mapping thing it can do on phone calls. I think I'll stick to AIM. Which you should IM me on. I'm chasezed jc, have been for eternity. You have to leave me your name though, cause I'm on privacy.
"They don't write songs about the ones that come easy."
That's my default away message lately. And in the last 48 hours I have gotten three inquiries about it so looks like Lucy's got some 'splaining to do.
The quote's familiar to anyone who watches "Veronica Mars". Logan (Jason Dohring) says it to Veronica (krbell) at the "prom" that Logan throws because he and his cronies managed to get the regular one cancelled. Logan is drunk off his ass and talking to Veronica and he's clearly still in love with her, always has been, even though she dumped him last year. So he's got this whole big speech about how they are EPIC, spanning countries and continents and wars. And Veronica is like, you are crazy, love should not be that much work, and Logan says . . "They don't write songs about the ones that come easy."
And then he tries to kiss her and she runs away but she comes back the next morning except he doesn't remember a damn thing and he has a naked girl in his room. Oops.
But there is HOPE. Everyone says I sound horribly emo and depressing in it, but Logan is talking about a great love, one worth fighting for, one to write songs about. Cause really, aren't most of the greatest songs ever about love gone wrong or love that's hard? And it's not emo, it's hopeful, cause I'm holding out for one to write songs about.
I love the feelings you get right when you realize you're in full-blown crush mode on someone. The minor obsession with everything they do. The stupid goofy smile you get when someone brings up their name or the twinge in your stomach when you see them. It's a rush, those very early stage of infatuation. You're not quite sure if this is going to blow over in 24 hours or if this is going to turn into one of those awful unrequited types of situations. Your behavior could probably almost be considered stalker except for one notable fact.
The person you're crushing on doesn't even know you're alive.
Which, while heartbreaking, can save you from an unpleasant restraining order.
Maybe I've just gone fatalist but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't even be interested in a dork like me so it's best I just keep it to myself and hope it passes.
I've been the very model of a modern lazy superstar, sitting on my ass and mainlining "Supernatural" episodes. Yes, I'm a year behind everyone else, but DVDs are the great equalizer. Brian is going to drag me to Hawaii with him to stalk the cast of "Lost" and I have to say that sounds pretty good. What a great job, you get to live in Hawaii and be part of a major ensemble which probably means you get a lot of down time cause there's so many people to focus on. Can I audition for that show? I can be a nondescript Other lurking in the background. Or Sawyer's long-lost boyfriend?
Brian also hooked me up with the CD rip of my single. We'll ignore the fact a Backstreet Boy had to get me my own song, but I'll share it with you guys now cause he shared it with me:
Everybody go listen to it and request it on your local radio station so I can have a job. Until then I'm gonna sit on my ass and read X-Men comics, thank you Justin.
I wanted to be an architect before I got into the music business. Something appealed to me in the construction of something from nothing. How you had to get everything just right, the foundation and the physics, every element having to fit together just so to create a building that, if done right, could be a work of art. I guess it's not that much different from making music. Instead of bricks and mortar, I use beats and melody and the lyrics go on top of it all. When you pull it off, it's art. When you don't, it all falls down. I don't know why I was thinking about that today, but I was. I wonder if I'd really be an architect today, and if I'd be any good at it.
I tagged along to Vegas cause Howie's playing a benefit and I have nothing better to do. I'm trying to convince him to do something stupid with me cause it's Vegas and what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas but he mostly just gives me angryface and tells me to behave. I guess I'm antsy.
After months of me updating saying my album was done and would be out soon, I finally have something to show for it. Starting September 25th, AOL is going to be streaming "Until Yesterday", my first single off the still untitled album that still has no release date. But they're aiming the single for a November impact date. So maybe they'll release my album in December just in time for you guys to buy for all of your friends for Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Nondenominatonal Holiday Involving Presents Of Your Choice. You can download a preview of the single here It's one Justin co-produced. It's no SexyBack, but I'm hoping it'll bring something else back. Like my career.
I'm in New York for the VMAs. Justin is obviously here too what with his being on the show and all, and Lance and Reichen are here too. Probably due to that biological thing Lance has in his genes where he cannot turn down a cheesy photo-op (or maybe the free swag, but I've always been the cheap one). So I'm going to the show and I'm going to drink a lot. And those are the extent of my plans and I have absolutely nothing good to update about, so ya'll should quit nudging me.
Now if you'll excuse me I have to go find a gospel choir and some deodorant.
Thank you to everyone for all the birthday posts, IMs, texts, illegal substances, and picture posts. I think I got everyone but if I didn't thank you very much from the bottom of my heart, you guys all made me smile.
So I turned Old yesterday. Old = 30. I am now officially far too old to be in a boyband. And I at least celebrated in high style, with bizarre costumes, midget strippers, lots of liquor, and a cake with a mechanical bull-riding me on it. In spite of all that the highlight of it all was the almost-NSync reunion. Joey couldn't make it but I was so glad that the others did, we so rarely get to see each other all at the same time these days with our diverging schedules. So it was really great and awesome and I'm so glad everyone who came out did and those who couldn't kept me on the phone all night so it was almost the same thing.
Although, Lance, we need to have a discussion about posing with terrible pictures of me. I know you like your photo ops, but let's not drag me down with them!
I have very little else to update about. I'm in post-party depression, someone hand me a beer.
You have to go back to my original jcscottchasez journal to get that. Really, you shouldn't, because that journal is awful. I was young, what can I say.
Five years. Why am I still here?
I don't even know what I can say about five years. Let's see. I've been married, I've been divorced. I've dated an acoustic, a guy who is most famous for playing an alien, and even a girl, for like two whole days. I've cheated, been cheated on, and been the person someone cheated with. There was that whole isolationist period which was a down side, and everyone's favorite clone debacle. That was my 15 minutes of fame, by the way, that whole thing. I've been in love, in lust, in crush mode, rejected, given up on love, and then gave it another a chance. I've been linked to Bobbie Thomas, Tara Reid, Bai Ling, and Eva Longoria. Eva Longoria proceeded to say sex with her vibrator was better than sex with me. I need to meet better women. I became simultaneously loved and hated by working on BWE with some great people, which was a hoot and a half. I have never won a Bubble. So there's still something to strive for.
When I started this game, I was in the middle of the PopOdyssey stadium tour with *NSYNC. I created a week after "Celebrity" dropped. There was one more *NSYNC tour and then our eternal hiatus. I had a semi hit with "Blowin' Me Up (With Her Love)" in which I realized my long lost dream of monster trucks in a video. I put out a solo record that bombed, I will put out my second one soon(?) in which the label promises to do right by me, but we'll see.
Mostly the best part about five years has been meeting some really awesome people and either strengthening or making new friendships. They are the reason I stay, really. So I'll probably be gone when they're all gone, which probably won't be too much longer, honestly. I would run off a whole long list of names of people I love but I would inevitably forget someone and I have always made a point of making sure those I love know I love them, so you guys know who you are.
And this isn't a goodbye post so why am I waxing poetic. This is a I Have Been Here Too Fucking Long Post.
chasezed jc: i'm such a bitter old hag justin to brazil: *fag
Human beings are egocentric as a general rule. Human beings in romantic relationships, even more so. Can't really blame them, every time someone falls in love it's like they've never loved like this before. But it's interesting to note that no matter the current circumstances, there was always somebody before you who loved the person you love now. Just because they no longer have the position of prominence doesn't mean they can't understand that person just as well as you can. Sure, some stuff is different, but some stuff is always the same. So I hate when people claim that nobody ever understands what that person's like but them or what that person's been through. No, somebody else always knows. And sometimes they've been around a lot longer than you have. You don't own the monopoly on caring about him and worrying about him.
It's such a shame when people end up in those situations where their significant other is their only reason for living. I wonder if that's what makes me such a hard boyfriend to have. I'm not real good at the 100% undivided attention and devotion. I need a variety of people in my life to fill different niches. Every single person in my life is important in their own way, and I need them for different reasons. If I put all my eggs in one basket, boy, am I setting myself up for hitting rock bottom if something goes wrong. I can't have my lover be my only best friend, my only sounding board, my only confidante. Different people with different perspectives and world views and opinions mean the world to me. It's the only way I can get the whole picture of myself. Plus it's nice to have someone who has no problem telling you that you're an ass, cause a lot of times the people in romantic relationships have blinders on.
I'm moody and cranky and I'm not really sure why. Lost in my head again, I suppose.
I hit five years on the 27th. Someone really needs to hijack my account and put me out of my misery.
chasezed jc: i need something to update about so heath ledger quits nudeing me justin to brazil : lmao you wish he would nude you chasezed jc : lmfao chasezed jc : NUDGE chasezed jc : i have sex on the brain today
So really, what better topic to update about.
Life has been lived in the slow lane lately and I couldn't be happier. I feel like a cat all stretched out in the sun content as can be. I hang out at Justin's a bunch, where the atmosphere tends to be more raunchy than raucous these days and that suits me fine. There's always a handful of people living there at any given time and it gives off a vibe of easy comaradie that's nice to partake in. I'm more an observer than a participant, though I'm certainly not turning down any warm bodies crawling over me to steal a kiss or two.
Much to my own surprise I find myself celibate ever since The Breakup, which was probably unexpected on everyone's behalf, not just my own, given the circumstances which brought it on. Maybe the taste of something forbidden falls away and I lose my appeal. But I'm not really going after anybody aggressively so the fact my bed is empty except for me is my own fault too.
Starting to think I should change my game plan, though. Been taking matters into my own hands quite literally a little too often these days and as enjoyable as THAT is, I think I'm ready to stop flying solo. Not looking for anything serious, just some mutual satisfaction.
I'm a horndog, why am I sugarcoating that?
I have an actual release date for a single now, August 14th. It's an uptempo called "Until Yesterday" and Justin and I wrote it together, so once you're done bringing sexy back, check me out. If Paris Hilton can get played on the radio, there's no reason I can't.
Check out my hot date from last night. Happy Natalie?
I always had little sympathy for the cheaters in relationships. How hard can it be to simply tell someone you're not into this anymore? Can't you keep your lips to yourself or your dick in your pants a little longer? Of course that all changes when you find yourself doing it.
I'm not asking for forgiveness or understanding or much of anything. I don't deserve any of it, I did a shitty thing. I own up to that much at least. My reasons are just that, my reasons, and they are my own and I don't think I owe anyone an explanation other than the wronged party, so that's the end of that. I just have a new understanding of what it's like to be stuck between a rock and a hard place and pretty much any option sucks.
He probably won't believe me, but I loved him. Still do in some ways. Our relationship didn't work out, but he's a good guy who deserves every happiness in the world. I just don't think I'll be the one to provide that.
I have to head over to his place later, collect my stuff. In some small favor, he won't be there, he's off filming, so I won't have to worry about a confrontation. Just pack up and say goodbye to the kitten. Throw some items in a box, resist the urge to steal a shirt because I don't have the right, and do those last looks on my own. I might be back someday but memories will have to hold me for awhile.
And even though I probably sound completely callous here, I am going to miss him and this is going to hurt. It's as hard to do the leaving as it is to be left. Maybe because you're the one making the choice and you'll inevitably wonder if you did the right thing or if you've made a horrible mistake. A large part of me wants to beg for forgiveness and plead for him not to throw me out on my ass, that we can pick up the pieces and put them back together. Except I think that part of me is the part that's just terrified of being alone. And also my pride. I've done the beg for forgiveness and salvage route before, never got me anywhere, I don't particularly want to be feeling like a fool again. So I'm just gonna walk away.
it's so hard to do and so easy to say but sometimes you just have to walk away
Trying to write an entry about your life when you're not really sure what's happening in your life is interesting. I think summer just isn't my season, I'm looking ahead at a wide expanse of who knows what and kind of enjoying that I didn't check out the landing before I jumped off the cliff, to make use of a crappy metaphor.
You ever feel like some things were just meant to be for a time and that's just where they belong, in that particular here and now, but weren't ever intended to last beyond that? I feel like that lately, and now I'm all sorts of restless just to reach some sort of resolution. If I were a meaner person, I'd just do it and move on, but I owe it to myself to follow through and at least give the process the respect it deserves. Which I guess is kind of hypocritical considering the things I've done, but I never claimed to be perfect.
Let's start over, because everyone hates a cryptic entry, even me. Let's do a checklist, because laziness is the new black on my friendspage today and who am I to break a trend. At least the friendspage is finally moving.
- album: pushed back yet again. Single most likely in the fall. I have done a 180 on my position and I am hoping the first single will be the one I did with J because his album will be coming out then and his success can only help mine. - movies. I don't act. - parties: I go. - beard: I have a new brunette nobody "girlfriend". I keep finding pictures of us making out. I think I'm very convincing in my portrayal of a straight person. - James Marsden: come online you wench - funny link of the day: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/7036136.html - Go Red Sox
I can't decide if the atmosphere here lately is just another downswing in the neverending pendulum that is MBP or the beginning of the end. I know we all tend to cycle and some months are insanely active while others move like molasses. This time of year tends to be hectic for a lot of us, so I'm chalking it up to that. It does make me sad to see the old-timers go though. I'll let you be the judge of if that makes me pathetic for being around here so long that I have fellow old-timers. But everyone's leaving or on extended hiatus and the rate at which my friendspage moves these days makes me want to throw things in boredom.
And Howie, if you leave, you're really going to learn the meaning of 'fierce' :D A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend.
We have a kitten, Jason and I. Between the two of us, we have more than enough dogs, so a kitten mixes things up a bit. She's only a couple months old, but she already rules the roost and the dogs know to keep away from her. Her name is Izzie, because we were watchin Grey's and the name just kinda stuck. We share her. She stays with me when Jason has to be off filming somewhere and he keeps her when I make a quick detour to Orlando to catch up with friends. It seems kinda crazy that we're not living together yet when we spend almost all our waking (and sleeping, if I think about it) time together but we feel no rush. Things are just really good, past the point where you're not sure if this is going to be a three month fling or something for the long haul. We're on the same page, and there's no hurry to get to the end of the book. It's been a long time since I felt this . . safe, I guess. I know the bottom's not about to drop out from under me, and I really needed that.
Behr, you have 24 hours left to fulfill your end of the bargain. Don't think I'm going to let you off easy.
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